o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
