Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
