Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
