Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
