Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
