A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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