when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
