How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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