What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
