Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
