I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
