Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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