One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
