3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
