yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I believe in your delicious
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
