moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
