You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
