There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
