I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
