If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
