New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
