i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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