dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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