your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
