My room smells like vodka and shame
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
