question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
