Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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