who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize