I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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