I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
