Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
