I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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