I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
