So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
