you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
