Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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