i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
