i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
