Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
