Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
