well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
