Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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