why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
