The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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