tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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