Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
