We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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