This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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