brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
bring money and cleavage
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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