Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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