obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
A bitchslap is in order.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
