oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
