i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
