guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
