I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He better not be in your backpack
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
