My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.