This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
