oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.