oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.