Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
