I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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