dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
