Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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