i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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