im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
