My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
