I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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