Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
