it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
