508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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