i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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