Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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