dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
