non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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