just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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