So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
